John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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