I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
