Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
