On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
