Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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