We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
