My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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