Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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