But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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