Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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