I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
