Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
