I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
third nipple confirmed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
