She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
