I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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