Welp...herpes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
