I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
