I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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