I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
