Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
