Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
