She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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