I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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