Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
