If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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