If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
