I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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