Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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