I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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