Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
