Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
