I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
