Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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