id be glad to
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
