Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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