Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
