My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
