So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
