she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
