Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
