If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
