So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
