like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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