dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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