Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
