so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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