Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
