Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
