i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
