it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
